How to have the conversation
Just seen a mate catcall a woman? Not leave her alone when she’s said no? Insult her when she’s turned him down? When a mate’s behaviour towards women crosses the line, you know it’s wrong. If you notice a mate doing something that isn’t right, there are things you can do. By stepping in, you can make your community a safer place for women. Start by having a conversation.
Conversation Starters
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Be Direct
If it’s safe to do so, call out your mate’s behaviour. Tell him it’s not on, it’s not ok. This could be during or after the situation – speak to them the next day if it was out of order.
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Get Help
You can speak to your other friends about that mate’s negative behaviour. There is power in numbers. Work together to act: whether it’s telling him it’s not ok, or taking him away from the situation. Remember, in an emergency, always call 999.
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Distract
When a mate’s behaviour is wrong, do something to change the situation and keep everyone safe. You might be able to stop it before it starts. This could be changing the conversation or suggesting doing something else. Take him away and speak to him about why his behaviour wasn’t ok.
Find out what the players from a local Leicestershire football team had to say about stepping in when they see their mate cross the line without creating more tension or awkwardness for the people involved.
Continuing the Conversation
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Stepping in non-confrontationally
The teammates discussed the best way to intervene in a way that would make them, their mate and the girl in the situation to most comfortable.
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Being in a group
When looking at the different ways in which they would step in, these guys also talked about the power of a group setting in motivating more people to feel comfortable speaking up.
When a Mate…
Listen to these lads having important conversations about how to act right when a mate does wrong. Watch as mates discuss how they feel when they witness negative behaviour towards woman and girls and what you can do to help. You know that starting the conversation is vital, but you must keep the conversation going…
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People let ego get in the way
See how these guys react when their mate crosses the line and how you can use the same tactics with your friends.
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Challenge and educate them
Two mates explore why remaining calm is important and why your intervention can have a massive impact in the future.
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Why is that funny?
Discover why these friends think inconsiderate jokes will have a negative impact on everyone and why positive conversations are useful in making safer environments for all.
Want to hear more?
Check out these chats from students discussing their thoughts on negative behaviour towards women and girls.
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I don’t know how to react
Listen to some useful advice from a young woman for when one of your mates won’t take no for an answer.
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Should I say something?
Learn more about practical ways you can have a talk with your friends and the positive impact you will have.
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Change happens from within
Discover how looking inward can help you resolve uncomfortable situations that are far too common.
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